Bored

there is not a whole lot of excitment going on in my life lately. Most of my friends are always too busy to hang out, and even though i do enjoy my alone time, sometimes it does get really boring and lonely. My best friend, who I live with, is extremely moody lately so she is getting on my nerves quite a bit. She hasn't had a job for a while so she just kinda bums around all the time, and we can never go out and have fun anymore cause she has no money. I know it must be hard for her and thats why she is moody, but at the same time sometimes i feel like she is not trying hard enough to find a job....she is too picky. And i think that if you are so picky then you shouldnt have a right to complain about not having a job. I think living together is slowly getting to us. Even though we have lived together for almost a year and have never really had any problems, I feel like the problems are slowly coming. Maybe things would be different if she did have a job, but she doesnt. I hope she gets one soon though cause i really really dont want our friendship to be ruined. On the other hand, i feel like if she does get a job and make new friends she will forget about me. I know I sound stupid right now, and even a little bit insecure, but I have my reasons for it. I have lost a lot of friends because someone else always seems to be more important. And she is only 17 and sometimes looks at me differently cause I'm older, sometimes i'm not cool enough for her anymore cause i dont wanna party all the time. It just really bugs me that I feel like I dont have anyone I can truly trust and count on, it makes me sad. But I guess thats why i have learnt to like being by myself and make the best of it. If you're all alone, no one can hurt you. Sometimes i wish I was far away on a secluded island with no one to bother me and I can do what I want and no one will hurt me.....but then I also think that it would be sad not to have someone love you. I know I have my family who I can trust and count on, but it doesnt feel the same as having a best friend. I don't know, I guess I have too much time on my hands right now to think about all this. I'm bored and it bothers me that I have no one to go and do anything with cause everyone is too busy. And my "best" friend just doesnt wanna do anything cause she is grumpy, which in turn makes me grumpy. Ughh.... i dont know if i will ever find that right person, whether it's a boyfriend, or just a good friend...but I hope i do, i don't wanna feel this way forever, I dont always wanna be alone :(