Sunday, October 11, 2009

cant get rid of this feeling

So i have been seeing this guy for a couple of months now....actually we are officially in a relationship now.....I should be happy, right? well I'm not, not because my feelings changed or anything like that...I still love him just as much as before, but....I dont think he feels the same way about me, and it's driving me nuts. I cant help but feel that it just wont work out, and i know I have to stop thinking this way so that I dont sabotage this relationship all on my own. The thing is though that I know him quite well....I know how he acts when he really likes someone....and he is not acting that way with me. Most of the time I feel like we are just hanging out as friends....we never cuddle when we watch a movie, we never hold hands, show no affection in public, he doesnt give me compliments or tells me how he feels about me ever. It's just weird. I try not to compare our relationship to his previous one cause I know we are not the same, but I cant help it. he loved his ex so much, he had no problem telling the whole world that he was with her and how he felt about her....they showed affection all the time, he did everything and anything for her. I just wish it could be like that for us. Maybe we just need more time, but sometimes I almost feel like he is forcing himself to try and have feeling for me. It's like he likes the idea of me....he knows I'm loyal, i'm a good person and i'm attractive (not trying to sound conceited), so he knows i would be a good person to be with, but the feelings are not there and it just seems like he is forcing himself to try and get them. I hate it, i wish I could just know whats going on. Instead I feel like i'm stuck in limbo, i want to be with him so I'm gonna put up with it all, but it makes me feel numb inside cause i just dont trust him. i wish it could work out, and I so hope I'm wrong. I just need to stop thinking about it. i need to try and focus on the good stuff. i need to focus on the fact that he is still here, and still spending every night with me.....

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